THE LIFE CRAPTASTIC

Brilliant, Brilliant, And One More Time Brilliant

2012-02-19T09:55:00.000-08:00

(And they made fun of Bon Iver too this week on SNL!)

WTF?!

2012-02-19T07:30:00.000-08:00

I've been hearing/reading about this Bon Iver and how amazing the song Holocene is. That happens a lot (the reading/hearing about part without actually having heard the song itself that is) and well this morning I opted to take a listen on YouTube. To share:

What the fuck? I mean really? Really?! No, really?!? This was up for all these Grammy's and shit. This? Really? Wow. And look I know I've liked me some slow weird ass shit songs but this seems like out of left field just called and said "daaaammmmnnn!!!!!!"

This of course means that it is your favorite song ever and/or in a week I'll be mumbling along like the...well, singer's not the right word, is it?

I mean:

Another Funny Truthful Movie Poster

2012-02-18T08:58:00.001-08:00

Sums up pretty much every rom-com poster no?

Hey Hey Hey Hey

2012-02-18T08:57:00.000-08:00

Winter Is Coming

2012-02-17T08:11:00.000-08:00

So I've been slowly working on moving in (still got boxes!) but then I discovered that Game of Thrones season 1 was available on demand via Comcast (and free HBO for three months due to a shit employee - woo hoo!) and well that's what I did this week when I wasn't at work. Awesome stuff and did a really good job with the first book. Makes me want to jump back into book two! Acting is stellar all around. The credits though - are visually awesome yes, but the music! I seriously catch myself humming the tune through the day. It may have to be the new ring tone on my phone. Craptastic stuff!

Finally - A Sci Fi End Of The World Take On The Romantic Comedy Road Trip Movie

2012-02-15T11:48:00.000-08:00

Don't Forget: Cougar Town Is Back Tonight!

2012-02-14T06:28:00.000-08:00

Even the cast look surprised!

I Make This Joke Every Year

2012-02-14T01:55:00.000-08:00

And it gets funnier every time - Happy VD!

(Plus thanks Internet for making the above google image search craptastically easy!)

And I Will Always Love This

2012-02-13T11:09:00.000-08:00

The Move

2012-02-12T16:42:00.000-08:00

Still working on getting all unpacked and what not - and I know the blog has been suffering from it. But damn new house moving/unpacking/setting up/etcering gets tiring. Plus add in a 40 work week...ugh. But I am indeed still here and alive and whatnot.

Look Who's Number One!

2012-02-04T18:06:00.001-08:00

And incidentally look who's got Internet back up at the new casa de craptastic!

Ummm, Really?

2012-01-29T05:55:00.000-08:00

Although maybe Best Buy is so progressive the don't see skin color during black history month and I'm in the wrong in this situation for noticing.

What If Oscar Nom Posters Told The Truth?

2012-01-28T08:35:00.000-08:00

Here's the link to see some more!

Who Knew This Was Today

2012-01-24T05:59:00.000-08:00

This used to be big news to me, so imagine my surprise when the Oscar noms where this morning and I had no flippin clue. Here's the best picture noms:

Best Picture
The Artist
The Descendants
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
The Help
Hugo
Midnight in Paris
Moneyball
The Tree of Life
War Horse

I've only seen three of these, and I only have interest in seeing another three. Bang up year!

Beyond that I am stoked that Melissa McCarthy is a nominee for Bridesmaids. I am also stoked to live in a world where previews can now say Gary Oldman "Oscar Nominee" and where Warrior got award recognition, even if only in the supporting actor category.

Addiction? Obsessive Compulsion?

2012-01-22T08:02:00.000-08:00

I am worried about the level of love I feel for Costco pizza. I imagine that is comparable to those moments of clarity that addicts have and then ignore. I was excited today because I didn't need to go anywhere and I could just sleep in and avoid the 7 degree day. So imagine my surprise when I swear I was half way to my car when I realized that going to Costco for the usual was so built in to my Sunday morning routine that I didn't count it as breaking my "not going anywhere today" rule.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Oh and Blogger seems to have an issue with me adding quotes/movies/songs of late. I am trying to figure that out but I am failing. Just an FYI.

I Hate When Covers Don't Change Anything

2012-01-22T07:42:00.001-08:00

Play On Marconi, Play On

2012-01-20T08:02:00.000-08:00

Lately while clearing the snow off my car after work the weirdest songs jump into my head. The Gambler was last weeks, and this week is just as left field - Starship's We Built This City On Rock & Roll! Nameless the bizarre "Marconi plays the mamba! Listen to the radio!" line from the chorus. For your listening enjoyment, as well as your future "damn craptastic for getting that song stuck in my head!"

Vocabulation

2012-01-20T04:51:00.000-08:00

Waxtasic : Taken from the packaging of my floss, which is indeed waxtastic. That it's Target brand seals the deal.

Asininess: Taken from the book of D. Perfect description for the shit one has to sometimes put up with at the job.

Chuck Norris Doen't Hunt - He Kills!

2012-01-16T09:35:00.000-08:00

Cool Lego Ad

2012-01-15T13:27:00.001-08:00

Dial 9 First To Get An Outside Line

2012-01-14T08:33:00.001-08:00

Kryptonite

2012-01-13T08:41:00.000-08:00

This morning I'm reading an article about the best episodes from the best shows and someone rightly picked FNL as a best show and picked the pilot as the best episode. That's certainly debatable but they threw this clip in from the end of the pilot and god help me I got all "there's something in my eye" over it. This show is make craptastic get teary eyed kryptonite. So of course I embedded the video here to inflict FNL's power on you as well.

Octopus + Pepsi = Craptastic

2012-01-12T05:09:00.000-08:00

God Bless the internet!

(If I had eight arms at least one would have a diet pepsi at all times. At least.)

Sound Advice Per Kenny

2012-01-11T04:23:00.000-08:00

There's a great montage in Supernatural that uses this song (it's a Bobby episode naturally). But good golly the chorus gets stuck something bonkers, no?

And yes this is one random ass post, in a string of some bonker shit random ass posts lately. I gots two words in response: oh and well.

One More Brilliant T Shirt I Just Found

2012-01-10T08:04:00.001-08:00

Sorta true on all levels if you think about it...

The First WTF Of 2012

2012-01-10T00:35:00.000-08:00

Came across this ad today on Yahoo...

And pardon the language here, but seriously, what the fuck does this mean?!!? Aside from making the worst juxtaposition of ad line/photo ever, or was that the goal? Or is tattoo hair lady some famous psychologist? Or is it more tattoo hair lady needs one? Or do I for reading into this? I mean seriously, what the fuck?!

More From Portlandia

2012-01-09T12:04:00.000-08:00

Enjoy them mocking the hell out of granola hipsters....

Portlandia

2012-01-08T14:30:00.000-08:00

I've read about it before and today I found that you can stream the first season on Netflix...so I watched the first season on Netflix. Here's a clip that had my dying:

Awesome Song - Awesome Video

2012-01-08T09:24:00.000-08:00

One of my fave songs I downloaded in 2011 meets entertaining slow mo destruction

Hahahaha Redux

2012-01-05T09:24:00.001-08:00

Hahahaha

2012-01-05T05:11:00.000-08:00

This Looks Like Plenty Of LDS Movies Too, Am I Right?

2012-01-04T07:57:00.000-08:00

Mine's Batman! What's Yours?

2012-01-03T06:20:00.000-08:00

Some Neato Poster Art

2012-01-02T08:02:00.000-08:00

Oh Alright Then

2012-01-01T00:29:00.000-08:00

Goodbye 11

2011-12-31T05:24:00.000-08:00

2011 Top 10 Movies

2011-12-31T04:14:00.000-08:00

Top 10 movies I saw for the first time this year - note the absence of many of those end of year award bait movies that hardly open up VT way. Next summer when I Netflix them they may (or may not - much like many of the award bait 2010 films I saw this year) make the 2012 list.

Additionally I feel like this year's list is very commercial, but my top 10 is my top 10 so suck it!

10. Insidious
Here's the deal - is this movie really top ten level? No. Is this movie even really top ten horror genre? No. Did this movie truly fuck up my shit when I watched it? Yes. We are talking terror. For that alone it deserves mention at the end of the year. Need a good cleanse? Then watch this one and have it all scared out of you.

9. Exit Through The Giftshop
Here is a weird strange documentary that may or may not be real, or that is "real" I guess. It's about a guy who decided to do a documentary on street art who becomes a famous street artist who's documentary footage gets edited by one of his subjects into a documentary about him....kinda, I think, maybe. With Banksy it may, or may not be, completely fake real. It's an awesome entertaining movie regardless of it's veracity.

8. Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
The best of the big action movies this year. I really liked Captain America as well but then Ethan Hunt and his team went to Dubai and well, Cap didn't stand a chance. Awesome stunt work on an astonishing level. And that whole sequence isn't even the only one in the movie that impresses by any means. I also liked that it was as realistic as this sort of movie could be - ie these people aren't infallible and injury proof. Well done action movies aren't that easy to pull off and Ghost Protocol pulls it off brilliantly.

7. Attack The Block
On the subject of create features...along came this one right at the end of the year (on blu ray - how VT gets all the indies. Jealous?) When aliens attack they always seem set on world domination, not here though. They want something alright, but making it something specific Attack the Block gets mad bonus points. Aliens attacking an apartment building is new. Plus the aliens, or "gorilla wolf motherfuckers", are just so cool looking. The gang of teens (and the nurse they mugged!) handle it all with a sort of bizarre realism. And frankly when was the last time in an alien action movie do the main characters a.) realize it's their fault and b.) realize that their actions have consequences for others. That those "gorilla wolf motherfuckers" kill people left and right raises the stakes. And yes when a stoner teen refers to the aliens, quite appropriately, as "gorilla wolf motherfuckers" I had to smile - I had just been introduced to a new expression.

6. Super 8
When this one came out I will admit I was jaded. Surely it couldn't live up to the raves and hype that were being given to it. It did. By the time the end credits rolled around there was just one thing missing - and then JJ gave us the movie that the kids were making and shazam - it was a perfect summer flick. And considering how questionable kid actors can be these kids were great. The coming of age in the 70s aspect is so well done that when the creature feature part starts up you care about what happens. And Coach Taylor is always welcome. Always.

5. Source Code
Here's another craptastic sci fi movie that should have been huge. Great idea, great execusion, and great acting. Plus by casting people like Vera Farmiga and Jeffrey Wright in key supporting roles it brought a decidedly human element to the completely made up science part of the equation. Plus it's a time travel action movie where shit blows up!

4. The Adjustment Bureau
Underrated movie of the year. Not that sci fi romances are always big hits or anything but I feel like this one deserved to be. Damon and Blunt are awesome together (the bathroom scene is perfect, no?) and their connection makes what follows later grounded in some sort of believable reality. Plus all the effects and sci fi elements all seem legit in a way different from obvious cgi.

3. Rango
This was the best cartoon of the year hands down. Not to mention the comedy of the year. The weirdest too perhaps (which is probably why I liked it as much as I did). A western starring a chameleon who fancies himself an actor caught up in a Chinatown plot - but funny! Voice work was top notch as well. Frankly, a movie this entertainingly bizarre was pretty much guaranteed a spot in the tops.

2. Warrior
Why did this one not leave a huge mark? This one should be on every one's top ten list. The acting is all top notch, the story is great, and the fights are as intense as any I've seen in critically beloved sports movies. That I was actually in the theater leaning forward in my seat, and I mean that literally, shows how well done this movie is. Mixed martial arts fighting is not part of usual items discussed in The Life Craptastic at all, and yet this one drew me into the world. The highest complement I can pay any sports drama is that it made me rethink not being a fan of MMA fighting. And that last fight! Seriously. See this one.

1. Buried
Holy shit this movie is awesome. Back in January I mentioned that this one would be making the top ten and no other movie really has worked it's way into my mind like this one did. Ryan Reynolds in a coffin with a phone - the most intense ninety minutes this year. Craptastic! And for weeks after I was playing through moments in the film that were so perfectly orchestrated - spoiler free makes it impossible to share but one of the people he calls....argh - that'd be too much. If you are up for a very claustrophobic thriller - when "in a coffin" I mean the entire film - check this one out.

Special mentions:
The Descendants - Great comedy/drama with some great performances...but one that overall you respect rather than love if that makes sense.
The Muppets - Deserves being mentioned...and was a tough to exclude from the above.
Contagion - Very well done. One that I feel like is being left out of all the year end best of talk incorrectly.
Young Adult - Amazing performances with the conviction to allow Mavis to be and stay a fucking bitch. And understandable unique one, but still a fucking bitch. Funny and Awkward.

Steven Seagal Knows Your Browsing History

2011-12-29T08:54:00.000-08:00

AND IS DISGUSTED.

CONSIDER THIS YOUR WARNING

2011-12-27T08:56:00.000-08:00

CLICK HERE FOR ONE OF THOSE "WTF" MOMENTS THAT ONLY YOUTUBE CAN PROVIDE.

Craptastic TV 2011 Style

2011-12-27T04:13:00.000-08:00

10. Awkward / Community
Cheating on this one - Awkward is too funny to leave off this list and Community must be here as well.  On paper the story of an awkward high school girl, on MTV no less!, sounds like something shown on one of the lower levels of hell, and yet Awkward manages to captures that funny dramatic John Hughes vibe.  And Community...it's just a fucking awesome show. That Awkward grew on me over it's season really makes it worthy of being on here but a list without Community is not a list at all. So please allow tie.

9. The Closer
Just last year I was saying how this one was that perpetual "almost top ten" type show. Well this current season has brought it big time. By introducing a character who is suing the LAPD, we immediately side with the squad we've been following for 7 seasons, personified by Chief Johnson. But by having all the cases he mentions be past episodes, and by having him be not entirely wrong about those cases...it ends up being a great venture in the moral grey. Good show stepping it up for it's last season!

8. Happy Endings
That this show is on here tells you how hysterical it really is. When it started last spring I was ready to hate it because it was the filler mid season show that was taking over Cougar Town's slot - ie it was the show replacing my favorite sitcom. How this group of wackos turned the tables on that attitude right quick. This has become on of those shows that I watch the night it's on! That's rare for me. Laugh out loud humor with some of the most quotable lines on TV. And all the characters get a chance to really shine no matter what the plot that week is. Good stuff.

7. Cougar Town
Great great show. Sadly it's sort of been lost on the masses and keeps getting pushed back and cut to a smaller and smaller seasons. This group of wine swilling do nothings are those funny friends I never get to hang out with as much as I'd like to. Laurie remains the funniest character on TV. And this last season really showed how real their friendships with each other are. It's a high compliment to the show that it can break the main characters into any combo for each episode and laughs will be had. Plus the ridiculousness of Penny Can!

6. True Blood (Season 3)
Great show, but you all know that. Really entertaining stuff. Michelle Forbes threw it down in season 2 as far as big bads go but Denis O'Hare more than stepped up. There was some funny interesting truly fucked up shit going on this year.  Plus there was more Pam - which is always welcome! And the end was stellar.

5. Supernatural (Seasons 5 and 6)
This show is so freaking entertaining. And gets better every year. And has some of the funniest lines on TV. And goes for broke with some highly creative episodes that play with genre something bonkers - horror, comedy, thriller, etc... The minor characters also have been getting bigger roles in the overall stories and the universe of the show is expanding to interesting places. I read that they will start streaming next month on Netflix - so try it out!

4. Justified
Season two brought it big time. Great characters introduced with the Bennet Clan and some crazy good stuff going down. Like season 1 it picks up steam as the episodes build to the inevitable violent conclusion. There is a minor point I need to make - a character does something that seems out of character early in the season. It threw me for a loop a bit (not shark jumping type level) but then as the plot progressed it really allowed the character to become more realistic and then made me really rethink why I felt it was so out of character as we really don't know much about her. In the end I liked the show more for it.

3. Breaking Bad (Seasons 3)
Amazing. This show goes for the jugular every single time. I will admit after the brilliance of season 2 I was a bit worried when season 3 wasn't craptastic right out of the gate but those first episodes were just there to crank the shit out of the rest of the season. Walter White is such a great interesting character. I hate that this had to get the bronze this year but let's be clear this is still absolutely one of the best shows on the air.

2. Luther
Dear lord this show is fucking amazing. I've extolled the virtues of this one a few times on the blog, but there isn't a 'too many' when it comes to raving about Luther. Seasons 1 and 2 (10 episodes in total) are both awesome. We're talking awesome awesome in fact.  Luther is an amazing character, a conflicted detective that doesn't come across as cliche, but Alice Morgan is the most original character I've had the pleasure of meeting this year.  That this is number two only indicates how great number one is!    (BBC brought it this year - Whitechapel was also awesome - consider it number 11!)

1. Friday Night Lights
Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.  Watched all 5 seasons this year. Amazing show. That this is number one over the last two shows should tell you something.  The Taylors are the most realistic couple in a long time, and part of me holds to the idea that they are in fact real. This show had me crying at a funeral, had me crossing my fingers during football games, had me worried about people I hold as friends, and had me dreading the last dvd

USA! USA!

2011-12-26T12:39:00.000-08:00

Just saw new The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo - ie the Hollywood version - and I got to say they did so much better than the Swedish version/movie that everyone holds up as this holy fucking grail of adaptations. Well done Fincher et all! Special credit goes to the screenwriter who adapted the story - unlike the Swedish version (where the book was written for craps sake!) they opted not to dumb the plot down to the retardedly simplistic. The "big" change they made near the end of the film was actually a really smart one. Uno mas - well done Fincher et all!

This Art Is Classy As Shit

2011-12-25T06:16:00.000-08:00

That Could Have Been Much Worse

2011-12-24T09:31:00.000-08:00

When I read that Taylor Swift was doing a song (the end credits song perhaps?) for The Hunger Games movie I has to laugh. This is not a slam on TSwizzy (self proclaimed pop whore remember? Her shit is addictive, for reals!) but rather The Hunger Games not being a match for her standard up beat pop enthusiasm - unless the movie screwed the pooch thematically when it came to the end. So I had a few minutes before work today (fat holiday pay - what what) and tracked down the song. Thankfully TSwiz changed for the song/film rather than the other way around.

Not a pop hit for sure, but again The Hunger Games shouldn't have one. Sounds more like The Civil Wars (who get the feat. shout out) and I'd say it slides into an appropriately Hunger Gamey vibe.

And in case you missed it (and frankly I can't remember if I've posted it before...) here's the movie's preview (Craptasticness abounds)

Extremely Loud And Incredibly Personal

2011-12-23T08:00:00.000-08:00

I loved the book Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close when I read it. Point in fact it made me sob like a baby for large portions and I still feel this intense personal connection to it. And yet I also feel like it is a bit of a raw nerve as well, I can't think about it without the emotional memory response welling up in me if that makes sense (my cold hearted cynical warning system's "this made you feel!" alarm goes off, if you will). So now that the movie is coming out I am constantly hit with this feeling. I recently saw the poster (below) and it hit me more than usual:

I feel like I know Oskar so completely that this photo just struck me. I feel like I am filling the entire story into this photo. And without spoiling the book I feel like Sandra Bullock is perfect for Oskar's mom - gd! - even typing that just gave me goosebumps - the book is that good!

The point being I guess is that this has been happening for the last few weeks and I've been sort of embracing it slash fighting it slash mocking myself for it. So of course I thought - The Life Craptastic needs to know this about craptasticness.

Proof You Can Make An Uplifting Movie About Anything

2011-12-23T06:43:00.000-08:00

And I got to admit this trailer actually makes me want to see this one now. Well done ad wizards!

Top Books Of 2011 (Aka I Admit I'm Basically Illiterate)

2011-12-23T06:11:00.000-08:00

I've read a whopping five (and a half!) books this year. There really is no need to make any sort of top list at all. The two worth mentioning at all are:

Game Of Thrones: Excellent but extremely epic. It's not a series you can just fun read if that makes sense. I thought I could burn through the series but one doesn't watch the entire LOTR trilogy everyday (hopefully (and if you do - and this is coming from me of all people - go get a life)). The half is book two which I've been working on for a while now.

The Redbreast: Excellent book. Norwegian writer that I've been hearing more and more about. It's really good. It's a modern day detective story (evidently Det. Hole is the star of many a Nesbo book!) that also follows a young couple during WWII. As odd as that sounds....trust me good stuff.

So yeah, I'd say "I'll read more next year!" but since Bako my reading has decreased every year. I feel like I'm at the point that I was at back in '05 when I set the "read at least 12 books this year" goal. Plus 12 in 2012 as a nice ring to it.

Top 20 Songs 2011

2011-12-21T08:25:00.000-08:00

Alright so the last few years I've done top ten purchased and top ten freebies of the year. Well this year the freebies have sorta not made the tops at all. Plus I apparently didn't get mixes from the peeps introducing me to new stuff this year so it was Itunes freebies only.   I could put together a list of about five songs but...why bother? (Track down Young The Giant My Body - the one freebie worth mentioning).

So instead I am changing it up to be the top 20 downloads from the year - with a one song per artist rule on the side.

So without further ado (well aside from the standard thanks for putting up with my self indulgent listing of Craptastic things) here you go:

20. Brett Eldredge - Raymond
      Belly flop into country music bitches! Poor narrator? Check! Old people? Check! Mention of church? Check! Sickness? Check! Military? Check! Family? Check! Good ole days? Check! Heartbreak? Check! This song should not work. It's almost a parody. But lord help me when he gets to that Arlington bit...well this cynical asshole was sold. And it retroactively makes all those checks poignant. He's doing all these things for an old sick lady, "and that's alright by me."

19. Avril Lavigne - Wish You Were Here
      Dear lord I am a pop whore. I know this about myself (as you will shortly if you keep reading this post) but when a song is crafted with maximum "stuck in your head" levels...once you stop fighting it's quite pleasant (like drowning!). The repetitive words in the chorus are the secret weapon - who doesn't want to hear "Damn, damn, damn!" At this point in her career you've heard one Avril ballad you've heard them all but so help me this one is catchy in a slightly unique (read - not really at all) way.

18. Jessie J feat B.O.B. - Price Tag
      She just sort of was everywhere all the sudden, no? When Amazon had their .69 cent song download deal this summer this was one that I got (there were many). What's funny is that once I owned it I started liking it more and more and it worked it's way on to many a play list. It's just an upbeat song about being happy with what you got - and wanting "to make the world dance." Can't fault them for that.

17. The Naked And The Famous - Young Blood
     Some songs just click with a moment in a movie or TV show and they become essential. When Chuck used this song during a marriage proposal (with no dialogue heard and a janitor cleaning a floor being the main focus, the proposal took place in the background) this song just clicked. That it's become a song that sneaks into movie previews here and there makes me happy. I feel like Chuck discovered it before everyone else, and therefore so did I as one of it's not many viewers.

16. Nelly - Just A Dream
       When's the last time you got introduced to a pop/rap song via a 14 white girl singing it as a piano ballad on a reality show? This season of X Factor if you were me! Catchy little song and all the people on the show were going on and on about how changed it was so I sought it out. I have no idea how I missed the brilliance of this song when it was released as a single over a year ago. Awesome song.

15. Outasight - Tonight Is The Night
Pepsi commercial song - What What! It's a song about, well I'll let Outasight tell you: "so if I got one chance, motherfucker I'mma make y'all dance." Mission accomplished then. It's essentially the frivolous version of the dance song when compared to the thoughtful meaningful version as heard in number 14.

14. Florence + The Machine - Shake It Out
      This was another amazon deal for the full album - and another example where there are plenty of options to include on here (All This And Heaven To is especially amazing. Also great - Breaking Down, Never Let Me Go, Spectrum, and Heartlines) but Shake It Out is the winner from the album.    Her music/lyrics are always so unique and distinctly Florence + The Machiney that you can't help but get caught up in them, and it's true - "It's hard to dance with the devil on your back."

13. Rihanna - California King Bed
      Okay, here's another entry in the pop ballad with a guitar solo category that I usually just skip over. But I blame Sugarland, those catchy pop/country bastards! When they covered this song I was impressed with the song and then tracked it down. I think the repetitive use of "California" helps the song a great deal. And it's creative with it's lyrics - using a California king bed as a metaphor for relationship problems? Not something I'd have thought of.

12. Rock Mafia - The Big Bang
      It's all about the whistling. And the white guy singing who sounds like a gospel singing southern woman. It's a catchy retro soul number but it's really all about that damn whistling. When used properly whistling can turn an already catchy song into a find yourself whistling the tune to yourself while you are doing other stuff classic.

11. Sara Bareilles feat Ryan Tedder - Gonna Get Over You
     "Maybe, it's a vicious little word that can slay me." Great line. It's an upbeat song about not knowing how to get over someone. This is an example of a song where you wouldn't expect the single to get the "featuring" treatment but the One Republic guy adds to the already great song.

10. fun. - We Are Young
     Did I find this song via Glee - yes? Am I embarrassed by that - a little? Will one listen completely wash away any residual shame - hell fuckin yeah. Awesome song. It's slightly odd lyrics about being cool if you get trashed cause you can always find someone to carry you home tonight are great. "Now I know that I'm not all that you've got, I guess that I, I just thought, maybe we could find a ways to fall apart? But our friends are back, so let's raise it to them!"   Also really like that the band's name is "fun." with the period.

9. Simple Plan feat Natasha Beddingfield - Jet Lag
     Heard this at La Rounde in Canada and had to track it down. Considering how many random love songs there have been I always appreciate when people get creative. This ones a duet from a couple that's in different time zones ("What time is it where you are?"). Catchy as crap and tastic.

8. Brad Paisley with Carrie Underwood - Remind Me
    This was the year that country music just flat out embraced the Craptasticer as a fan. Over the last few years I've bought country songs but I've tried to maintain that "slightly too cool" detachment. No more. This song is the shit and I don't care who knows I think it. GD can Carrie Underwood sang, am I right? And this is one of those duets that has to be done by two people willing to commit to it and they both flippin commit y'all.

7. Gym Class Heroes feat Adam Levine - Stereo Hearts
     SNL performances are rarely anything to write home about but gd this one knocked it out of the park. I had to track this one down and buy it. Clever lyrics, catchy as shit hook by a Maroon 5er, and the music is so unique and different. Plus as obsessed as I can get over music I like songs that use music as a metaphor for love (see craptastic classic Fidelity by Regina Spektor).

6. The Airborne Toxic Event - Changing
     I am always partial to songs that seem to relate to me more than usual. This one especially hits close to home for the Craptasticer - I like a song that's about being the same person you've always been but now someone wants you to change and how that ain't gonna happen. I also enjoy the phrase "All these buckets of rain" which I read as a sorta cynical "stop crying."

5. Foo Fighters - Walk
     Amazing song (and finally a non pop whore choice, right?). The music itself builds and I like how the lyrics grow more complex with that. There is something cathartic to listening to David Grohl (ie the Moopets version of Animal) scream "I never wanna die! I never wanna die!" as they just freakin rock out. Good times.

4. Colbie Caillat - Brigher Than The Sun
   This song is audio sunny summer day happiness. Steel drums, hand claps, and great lyrics - "We go together like peanuts and Paydays" - brilliant! Point in fact it is 35 degrees out and snowing but this song is making me feel better about it. Plus it can make a cold hearted asshole like me better imagine they have a vague idea of what that love thing is all about.

3. Kelly Clarkson - I Forgive You
     Picking just one song off this album was tough - and I didn't like doing it. Mr Know It All, What Doesn't Kill You, Alone, Let Me Down, Hello, You Love Me, Einstein, Don't Be A Girl About It, You Can't Win...hits people, all solid fucking gold gd craptastic hits! But alas I have to go with one thus I chose I Forgive You.  Pop rock in the vein of Since U Been Gone (a sacred classic in the book of craptastic) it's almost the older wiser response to that one in fact.

2. Lady Gaga - The Edge Of Glory
     This song is the shit. It's like a classic 80s hit released now for some reason. It's over five minutes, it's got a sax solo, it builds to a frenzy with each "the edge!", in other words it's craptastic. Gaga's album only cost me 99 cents back in May (shit...that seems like yesterday) and there are a few other songs worth a listen but none compare to the bombast here.

1. Adele - Rolling In The Deep
     Of course this song is number one - how could it not be. It was everywhere, which makes sense because it is a fucking awesome song. That I can hear it a million times and still enjoy it as much as the first time makes it that much awesomer. Goes without saying that Adele sells the shit out of it but damn, if she don't sell the shit out of it! And when she gets going near the end - there's a reason it's number one. Motherfucker could have had it all!

Thanks for putting up with my insanity - this was fun to compile actually. Of course there were tons that I had to jetison to make 20 but them's the breaks. So what were your tops?

I'm Gonna Need A Cigarette

2011-12-21T06:36:00.000-08:00

Was it good for you?

For Those Of Us Without IMAX Screens

2011-12-19T12:56:00.000-08:00

This preview will have to do for those of us not on the IMAX prologue list (or you know, those of us in states without a single IMAX screen).

Funniest SNL Moment This Weekend

2011-12-19T12:46:00.001-08:00

Have You Seen In Bruges?

2011-12-19T09:10:00.000-08:00

Watched it again last night and I could literally sit here and tell you all the brilliantly profane reasons why In Bruges is a modern day classic for plot/story/dialogue/acting/etc... but instead I'll just say if the answer to the above is no go about making it a yes.

Included here for your enjoyment a few lines that killed me this viewing:

Ray: "I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn't, so it doesn't."

Ken: "Let's face it. And I'm not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you're a cunt. You're a cunt now, and you've always been a cunt. And the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids." (Made funnier because he really didn't mean any disrespect).

Harry line (this one's a fucking classic): "I'm sorry for calling you an inanimate object. I was upset."

Favorite Quotes - 2011!

2011-12-17T12:09:00.000-08:00

After some bonkers editing I am at a bakers dozen and I can't (won't!) cut any more. In no particular order beyond my favorite exchange being last):

The sound of your piss hitting the urinal, it sounds feminine. -Terry, The Other Guys
I met a dolphin down there. It looked into my God damn soul. - Megan, Bridesmaids
I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states, if you know what I mean. - Kurt, Horrible Bosses
Well you know what they say about guys with glasses, less likely to get shot in the face by heroin dealers. - Sam, Burn Notice
No Stabbings Wednesday - it's our new tradition. - Hardison, Leverage
Don't you have some sluts you should be fucking? - Ed, Fright Night
Oh honey, you are not going to use our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as a reason to not help your guidance counselor, are you? - Tammy, Friday Night Lights
I won it in a game of beer pong, only instead of beer we used scotch and instead of pong we used rifles, so i guess we played scotch rifles. - Oz, Breaking In
I’m just cutting off my underwear—girl stuff! - Jess, New Girl
I almost didn't come on this date. You wrote me some really gross things. But then I thought gross is kind of hot. Like what you said about the post office. I don't know what snout rape is, but I don't like my mail man either. - Date, Wilfred
Oh, we're specialists. They call us in to answer the questions of mouth-breathing dickmonkeys. - Sam, Supernatural
Tell her I'll get like jury duty drunk. - Laurie, Cougar Town
They named their house? / So what you named your sweatpants. / Leave Karen out of this! - Brad/Jane, Happy Endings

Stupid And Funny - A Craptastic Specialty

2011-12-16T07:56:00.001-08:00

List Project 2011

2011-12-15T09:37:00.000-08:00

(This photo is made funnier if you've seen the Supernatural episode "Mannequin 3: The Reckoning" - and yes Supernatural episode titles are their own brand of crazy funny genius).

MC From MCR

2011-12-14T09:36:00.001-08:00

Pardon the language here, but this is fuckin' sweet.

Cool Beans

2011-12-11T11:46:00.000-08:00

Best Headline Ever?

2011-12-10T09:47:00.000-08:00

The actual article is completely irrelevant, no?

MCR + Kid Show = Awesome

2011-12-10T09:36:00.001-08:00

Just Saw This And Laughed Out Loud

2011-12-09T11:22:00.000-08:00

I Like The Older Posters Better

2011-12-07T08:49:00.000-08:00

But at least it's finally being released!

Enjoy Some Bizarre Unpredictable Joss Whedon Written Cabin In The Woods Trailer!

2011-12-06T07:53:00.000-08:00

Supernatural Season Six, AKA The Privatization Delay

2011-12-05T12:25:00.000-08:00

This weekend has been especially busy both personal (check your e-mail - nothing but vaguery in this dancery) and vieweral - Supernatural Season Six making with the entertainment as only it can. I can honestly say that every season gets better than the last and that the bar indeed keeps getting higher and higher. Plus I read that it will start streaming on netflix soon so you can catch up for free!

Anyway - the private conversion is coming I just don't feel like figuring it out at that moment what with having to type in emails and what not. Expect it soonish though!

I'd Say Not Seriously Enough

2011-12-04T01:52:00.000-08:00

Saw This Ad Online And I Completely Agree

2011-12-02T17:18:00.000-08:00

Chucknorium!

2011-12-01T18:09:00.000-08:00

Oh Alice!

2011-11-30T16:53:00.000-08:00

Just finished series 2 of Luther (you will be seeing that show again on the best of '11 round up in a few weeks) and damn I have to say that Alice Morgan is quite possibly the most craptastic character I've had the pleasure to meet in a long time. You may recall I had mentioned her before and though her presence in series 2 has diminished (as it must have plotwise - when's the last time an American show handled that sort of thing well?)...without giving away anything I will say once again - Craptastic!

Some Lego Craptasticness

2011-11-29T03:50:00.000-08:00

This artist has done a bunch more - you can see them here. Cool enough to earn a quick share.

The Most Recent WTF Find

2011-11-28T16:10:00.000-08:00

The girl from Evanescence covering the Muppet classic:
The original:

Haven't seen the new Muppet's movie but this weekend I am gonna fix that!

Your Text Here Will Be Be Here Soon

2011-11-26T09:50:00.000-08:00

So I've reached a point in my life where it would probably be smarter (and admittedly would make me feel less paranoid) that The Life Craptastic ought to go private. Essentially this means I throw whatever e-mail you use to log into google into my site and shazam you're in. I figure next weekend I will convert. Just thought I'd let you know.

Amusingly enough this still probably won't change The Life Craptastic anonymity clause, cause that's how we do here!

VT Bound

2011-11-25T08:59:00.000-08:00

Like most good things the thanksgiving California vacation has come to an end. Poopy, I know.

I'm ready to be get back to normal but I'm not ready to get back if that makes sense. (Hahahahahaha - one of the auto complete suggestions for sense is semen, very different things phone, very different thing!)

It was good to see all the Cali peeps.

Craptastic out!

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T09:27:00.000-08:00

Enjoy the day! Food, family, friends, online shopping, other traditional traditions, and nontraditional ones, hell, even the creepy shit your in to - whatever you want - enjoy the day!

Vacationation

2011-11-22T11:19:00.000-08:00

Still enjoying vacation full tilt boogie. Maybe a bit too much as the stomach ache I had yesterday wasn't fun. Alright more awesomeness to do.

Vacation Enjoyment

2011-11-17T20:19:00.000-08:00

Sorry to all Craptasticers for the break in service due to vacationing in California. But I ain't sorry for enjoying said vacation in California so much I ain't blogging. Movies, food, more movies, more food, and other things that are too specific for the blog have abounded. And I've still got another week! Woo hoo. Have a good weekend to you playing the home game!

Made It!

2011-11-12T07:58:00.000-08:00

Travel days are never fun, but yesterday is over so now I've got two weeks in California! I'm going north today to see my sister, but that doesn't mean I can't go over to Target first if I want to, now that I'm in the land of plenty. See you soon fellow Cali Craptasticers!

On My Way Tomorrow!

2011-11-10T02:02:00.000-08:00

Too bad this photo does such an awesome job selling the 'no, huh?

Uno Mas Fall VT Photo

2011-11-07T17:01:00.000-08:00

This seemed too picturesque to not snap a shot.

Where I'll Be Today Instead Of Work

2011-11-06T02:14:00.000-08:00

A friend bought a house recently and today was he day she planned a road trip to IKEA/Target. Best believe I got in on that action. Took the day off work to get some craptastic on. Even better? Four day work week then fly out to Cali!

Hahahahahahahaha

2011-11-05T07:54:00.000-07:00

Slick Marketing

2011-11-05T06:12:00.000-07:00

I've read a lot about this movie recently as it earned the NC-17 rating (it's about a sex addict and features all sorts of nudity). When I saw this poster I was impressed. It's visually interesting, it's noticeable, it's on theme, and yet it's still completely appropriate for a lobby. Considering how generic movie posters can be I thought I'd share:

I'm Gonna Let The Bare Naked Ladies Tell You How Long Til I'm In Cali

2011-11-04T02:09:00.000-07:00

Been A Long Week But...

2011-11-03T17:43:00.001-07:00

Cali Countdown - 8 Bitted Out

2011-11-01T01:34:00.000-07:00

Abstract Jack

2011-10-31T03:24:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween!

Side note - we can wear workplace appropriate costumes today. I'm going as my one of our bosses - easy to do and should hopefully entertain the masses. Thank Ichabod Crane he has a great sense of humor.

The Good Chuck Giveth

2011-10-30T01:20:00.000-07:00

This is fucking awesome - tell you friends to google "Google Chuck Norris" - this is what they'll get:

And finally:

Thank God I Can't Grow A Mustache, Ironic Or Otherwise, Or I'd Be In Serious Trouble Here

2011-10-29T13:02:00.000-07:00

I circled all that apply to me. My shoddy genetics spared me from a bingo - whew.

For Those Hunger Gamers

2011-10-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

Hunger Game Character posters are all over the web today - thought I'd share the two minor characters that I like the most. If you haven't read the books yet, consider them recommended.

How Long Til Cali?

2011-10-28T02:49:00.000-07:00

Monkey Pooptastic!

2011-10-27T14:36:00.000-07:00

(Click HERE to check out the cast of craptastic Whedonverse actors in this - then click HERE for an EW interview with Whedon/some of the cast).

Thanks For Being Kinda Douchey, I Guess?

2011-10-27T03:46:00.000-07:00

So I had another run in with ITunes customer service. When I got the receipt for the new KELLY CLARKSON! cd I noticed they charged me for Mr Know It All again. Had I bought the standard version there was the "complete the album" feature but the preorder deluxe didn't for some reason. So I wrote them:

"I previously purchased the song Mr Know It All (Receipt No. #) and yet was not credited the 1.29 towards completing the album. I assume this was just because I preordered? Please put the credit back on my account unless there was some other reason for the double billing. (IE I previously purchase Jason Alden and Kelly Clarkson's Don't You Wanna Stay - Receipt # - but as that was from his album and this one's from hers I would then be charged again regardless, yes?) As always thanks for your assistance "

Now yes I was sort of blatantly "gimme my credit" I also tried to politely give them a "yeah not gonna happen" out. So I get the response and I read it the only way I know how, sarcastic and douchey (please let me know what you think):

"Thank you for writing to iTunes Customer Support and let me know that you want the charge reversed for the duplicate purchase of the songs 'Mr. Know It All and Don't You Wanna Stay (With Kelly Clarkson)' from the album 'Stronger (Deluxe Version)'.

I can see by your email how enthused you are to have this resolved, and I'm more than happy to look into this further for you.

After reviewing the circumstances of your case, we determined that issuing you a refund for your duplicate purchase is an appropriate exception to the iTunes Store Terms and Conditions, which state that all sales are final.

You will see a credit of $12.99, plus any applicable taxes, in five to seven business days. If store credit was used for this purchase, you should see the credit post within five to seven business days. Please contact your financial institution for details related to processing times.

Thank you for being an iTunes Store customer. Apple appreciates your business."

Okay, so I felt better when I got to the name, because if I were to be stereotypical the name might not have a firm grasp on English (is that horrible to say in today's world? I guess there are john smith's from India so I'm coming off douchey here too - so be it.) and I am also willing to see it as well they must have a very set limited amount of phrases they can copy and paste from. But they didn't really read what I wrote at all , right?

I guess right around the word "enthused" I started getting the douchey vibe. The whole "we looked at the Terms and Conditions" thing sort of slants then as condescending. And then the kicker - they're are refunding the whole album. So not what I asked for at all - KELLY CLARKSON! deserves her money for reals y'all - but by that point I was like "fine then."

If they have a customer service survey like last time (which by the way was stellar service all around and I was so impressed that a beast like Itunes could be so personable on the individual level) they ain't getting the best review.

And yes I fucking realize that 1.29 outta my Itunes gift card fund isn't a big fucking deal at all. I was just asking, cause when it comes to customer service there is no harm in it. And I phrased my opinion that it was an error in a way that allowed for easy vetoing on their part.

Oh I'll take your hush money Itunes, but not before I blog about it first.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The most important note that I failed to mention before is that this hiccup does not detract from the slightly psychotic enjoyment that I am deriving from this album. There are only two songs that I am not liking as much as they others but they aren't like "skip this shit" trainwrecks either. In fact I think those stumbles makes the album stronger...oh my god, that title has so many levels.

And just so I can beat you to it:

Yes, Yes, And Yes

2011-10-26T17:21:00.000-07:00

WHAS alums can try to sell me stupid cars anytime they want!

I Hope They're Missing A "P"

2011-10-26T03:14:00.000-07:00

While watching some music videos on YouTube I stumbled upon this comment that made me laugh out loud:

One hopes they meant rapping. Rapping. Two Ps. Otherwise? Well I guess being amazing at that would indeed be sick so....

My Friend's Eight Year Old Asked Her This Question:

2011-10-25T14:36:00.001-07:00

"Mom, what does mother fucker even mean?"

Even funnier? Another mutual friend drunktasticly told said eight year old who was playing pool to, and I quote, "make that shot mother fucker!"

Hats off to parents trying to raise good kids - how do you try to answer that without just laughing your ass off?

Fit right in to Swear Like A Trucker Tuesday so I thought I'd share (thanks to said friend who per Craptastic Life bylaws shall remain anonymous).

Four Things That Make Today Craptastic!

2011-10-25T04:00:00.000-07:00

A super conflagration of awesomification is accumulating here in The Life Craptastic. Time to bullet point the day up:

Suit Up! Today is a dress up fancy pants day at work. When I was a growing up I hated dressing up, and we're talking the short sleeve slacker sunday variety of clothing. Now I fucking love it. Hell when I picked up a bunch of nice ties a few months back I went ahead and instituted "Tie Monday" at work. And on days when I can suit it up? Snap crackle pop, Craptasticers, snap motherfucking crackle pop, love that shit. And I should point out that I don't even have that nice of a suit. Sweet jesus when finally I drop some coin on a good one, I'mma wear that bitch all. the. time.
Stronger! Did you drop something? Kelly Clarkson did. Album number four bitches! Preordered the shit out of it a month ago and as it was released yesterday online I have been listening to like gangbusters. Seventeen new songs? Are you kidding me?! Fucking Christmas in October. Since today is the actual "go buy the hard copy" day I am going with today as the official release date. I wish I could rationalize my irrational enjoyment of her music but then it wouldn't be something that you could laugh at (lord knows I do too y'all). Objectively speaking based on my near constant listening yesterday - it's more awesome than cyborg pirate ninja jesus. Cyborg motherfucking pirate goddamn ninja jesus.
America! Captain America hits stores today too! One of the best movies of the summer in the big book of craptastic. Have one of my bday gcards in the wallet right now so I can can make it rain over at Walmart later. Yes, I got a Walmart gift card for the bday. When you don't got Targets in your state you got to make due, and free money be free money so I ain't gonna complainorate in this dancery.
Sixteen! How many days until you are headed to Cali Crapsticer? I do not know.

Alright so evidently today is also a swear like a tourettey trucker day too. Hell fucking yeah it is! I think it's the suit. Brings out my anachronistic tendencies - what what! Have a great 25th!

Fall In VT

2011-10-24T02:08:00.000-07:00

I have a friend (JSK) who takes clutch (you're welcome) photos - whenever I take photos I always try to imagine what she'd do with a camera. She probably wouldn't use a camera phone but alas we work in the medium we have access to. Here are some snap shots of fall in the VT (which I get to escape for 2 weeks in approximately 2.5 weeks!)

And because i was down there anyway I took some under bridge photos that I think turned out pretty nifty (one would image they would look the same regardless of season - plus or minus some icicles).

Talk About A Journey!

2011-10-23T16:46:00.000-07:00

Perspective

2011-10-23T14:48:00.000-07:00

I hate cleaning the bathroom almost as much as ironing - seriously. Hate is a strong word, but the right one in this case. Well I decided I wanted to watch a movie first then do the cleaning today. As I've been meaning to watch it since picking it up on blu ray (hi def was a good call) I threw in Saving Private Ryan. Great movie (more on that in a second) but wow almost three hours spent in as realistic a war film as it is sure as hell puts my petty "ugh, bathroom cleaning" in to perspective. The brave men and women of WWII are...what world can convey the scope of their awesomeness? Seriously. Hats off.

For a movie that is so huge in scope and so gritty in it's violence the small moments were so much more resonant this time. Every time I watch it I am blown away but today for some reason it just kept flooring me. The epic opening? Giovanni Ribisi's speech in the church? And as always Upham:

If I could retroactively give an Oscar to the biggest omission (aside from the whole it lost best picture!) it would be best supporting actor to Jeremy Davies. This time I noticed how awesome his background work is. Always something offbeat and interesting. Maybe it's just because he's the dorky book smart guy that I identify with him throughout the movie and find his performance essential to the story. He's the not too combat ready outsider who joins the tight knit crew of soldiers. So often Spielberg lingers on his face to convey the ramifications of what is happening (in one brilliant sequence we witness a siege solely from his distant obscured vantage point). Brilliant performance.

And yes his staircase scene makes me cry every time.

Some Amusing Ego Boosts

2011-10-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

When I was getting a flu shot at work I rolled up my sleeve and the nurse (who was an old woman - which is the category I've never had a problem getting the slightly creepy inappropriate comments from - even back in my really fat days) is prepping the shot and turned towards me and says "that's a perfect muscle." Now I have the scrawniest arms in the free world (we're talking heroin addicts would mock me) so all I could do was laugh. As I roll my sleeve back down she adds nice and creepily "stay healthy."
When I mentioned to a coworker some random Fat [My First Name] comment (as I am apt to do sometimes, usually in a mocking tone which is probably psychologically screwed up but I just go with it) and she didn't believe me. So I brought in my High School graduation photo (blimped out I was) and showed her. I told her "this was fat [me]." Her reaction was standard but then she turned to another female coworker (who had seen the photo) and said "And now we get sexy [my first name]." Again my response was to laugh. (That habit may also be seriously psychologically screwed up). (Also funny - she then got all embarrassed and admitted that that sort of comment isn't exactly work appropriate. Finally - I've been harassed!)
When discussing upcoming supervisory positions in our office with some friends, the boss lady, who would be a major factor in the decision making process, said "Well we all know who his (ie the number one dude in our office - ie her boss) first pick is." I start racking my brain trying to decide who it could be when one of my coworkers in the conversation flat out points at me and says "Yeah" and they all agreed. Shocked me a little. I take it as a good sign that my first thought wasn't "ME!" and an even better sign that other's first thought was "Him."
And to balance out all the Craptastic love - when getting my haircut yesterday the lady cutting my hair asked me "can I trim your eyebrows?" I said "okay?" She sighed and did her thing to them and then said "Thanks, those were bugging me!" I blame any lack of eyebrow grooming on the fact that my glasses block them. But no more!

Funniest Rotten Tomotoes Review Summary Ever

2011-10-21T18:09:00.000-07:00

Applicable to so many movies out there, no?

Oh Man

2011-10-19T14:50:00.000-07:00

Not even lying I was tearing up before this preview was even half over - that's the impact the book had on this heartless cynic. Great cast around an appropriately unique Oskar. Add the knowledge of who each person is with some U2...whew.

(If my reaction to the movie is the same as the book maybe I should wait until it's on DVD so I'm not bawling in public.)

Now Netflix Is Telling Me How To Raise My Kids?!

2011-10-17T02:01:00.000-07:00